So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
