I think my fart just growled at me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
