Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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