He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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