I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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