you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
