question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
