I met the friendliest cop last night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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