why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
