his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
