I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
