i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
