So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
