I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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