I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
