I wanna bring you to show and tell
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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