dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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