You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
