if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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