Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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