I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Less talking, more tequila
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
