dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
