If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize