I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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