Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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