We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love you. Go after that dick
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
