Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
