I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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