; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
