I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
