yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
