We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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