i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
