I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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