you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you traded sex for a burrito?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
