I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
