Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
