I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
