WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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