i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
