it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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