Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love having hate sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
