Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
