in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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