mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
