dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
