I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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