We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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