Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
