You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
