if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
