At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
