Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We need to get me chipped asap
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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