shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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