there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We need to get me chipped asap
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
