If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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