dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
