its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
