PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
