I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
