This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
