I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
