he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
