I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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