And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Farmville is her only friend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
