I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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