Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
