You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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