I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
