I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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