i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
