She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
