I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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