I am puke
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
