the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
