nut hugger
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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