i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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