Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
