Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
