Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
