Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
tell me about the eggs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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