So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
