you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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