boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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