that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
