i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
