are you so shy because you have an std?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
