i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
