Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
