like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
