let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
