You're so nebulous sometimes
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
